- Writing Portion Pending -
Lately things have been slow.
I don't mind it though.
Kayden turned for this week, which makes me very happy because we've literally had her for four years. Allow me to explain. Through foster care we received her in October 2013 a few days after she was born, so every birthday that passes I look at her and think wow, we've had you for this long. Since her arrival my family, my friends, and my church family all made a collective effort to take care of her. Kayden was finally adopted March of 2016. She can be annoying and rambunctious BUT she has the cutest smile, a bubbly personality, and a great heart. I love her so much, and I'm so happy to have her in our family. She makes it feel whole. It's crazy that I now can't imagine a life without her here.
This week is what I would call a steady incline of a roller coaster. My home life has been a highlight in contrast to what it was 1-2 months ago. I used to get into a lot of arguments with my mom because of our differences and would suppress my emotions towards my older sister Marsha and her wrongdoings towards me because I was over always having to be the one to bring up a situation. But Jesus, that went left. After the last blowup (literally got into a physical fight with each of them), everything has been very neutral if not wayyy better. I don't support the way things had to go down but everyone let their steam out. I already knew this, but seriously STOP SUPPRESSING EMOTIONS. THIS WILL DO YOU NO GOOD.
Outside of the improved female energy, my dad had gone to the hospital for gastrointestinal bleeding. He had lost 5 pints of blood from a previous biopsy in his prostate which honestly freaked me the hell out. I get so weird seeing my parents sick. It literally hurts me. My dad is a heavy smoker and drinker so when anything happens to him I get so frightened and paranoid in my thoughts. The thought of death is something that is so inevitable and yet I can't surround myself around the idea of him or my mother passing on. Luckily, and I think God for this so much, he was able to return home and go back to work. My mom has been cheffing up different types of foods in effort to regulate the blood flow and keep us all healthier. I'm keeping him in my prayers and I try to keep him encouraged. We are waiting on a few more results from testing and I pray nothing is cancerous. And if it is, I pray we can catch that shit real quick. It's seriously such a scary thing. Him and I don't speak that often however, he's my fucking dad & I love him so much. I want my family to do more things together. So often we get caught up in our own lives and routines that we don't hang out with each other. We actually haven't truly gotten together in years and that bugs the shit out of me. I don't want death to be the reason for us to come together so I'm about to start enforcing that now.
Last week I had the opportunity to star in a music video for Camron and Don Q. I played it one of the lead characters in a all girls bad ass group. I ran up on a boy mashed his head into the wall, and kick this food in the air before we all collectively jumped him. I'm super excited to see that video come out. It was directed by my friend Rams. While over there I was connected with a guy named Donnie. After him expressing his admiration for my work, I learned that he does media content for Squidnice, and also has a relationship with Cinematic Record Label (we were actually in their building at the time lol I had no idea) and wants me to pitch a few ideas their way. If all goes well, FUCK ALAMO RECORDS. I love seeing and spending time with a couple of people who work there but the label in general made me feel as if I was annoying for asking the bare minimum and that I always had something to prove when I walked in. I hated that. Career wise it held me back simply because of how they run things there.
I also got a phone call from my friend Rony who is an amazing cinematographer and director. He told me that he and his friend finally put their money together to make the big purchase of buying a Red Scarlet camera (this camera my friends is worth $10,000 buckeroos!!!). Rony wants to start a very small production company called LOW FI and he wants to bring me on board as a director. I very calmly jumped at the offer. (Like what?! Of fucking course I'm down! Finally, the fucking team/equipment access I've been looking for!) I'm excited to meet his partner and begin shooting great things with great gear. I feel like this is also a start of something very exciting.
This week I was invited to shoot and attend a tech talk dinner. I was surrounded around many great people in their own industries. I was connected with a guy at complex, Ryan Leslie, and a stylist as well. The dinner was very intimate and we already able to have really powerful conversation as a collective that I too had contributed to.
Lastly, I decided to finally reach back out to Hot97 and tell them I wanted a position as a videographer/editor there. This is long overdue. They have been wanting to work with me for sometime now but I had always pushed that to the back of my mind. I didn't want to just intern there for starters, thought hot97 was dying out (I hadn't heard too much news from them, but then again, I didn't try to look out for em), and idk, it just wasnt something I had wanted to do.
I had a whole talk with myself on my next steps and decided that Hot97, as well as the film program at Brooklyn College would be my next steps. I shot Summer Jam and remembered how awesome the team was and reminded myself that it would be a great opportunity to gain experience, to learn how to use and handle equipment, as well as make fucking connections!
Rebecca one of the heads of the media department asked me how much I'd want to make an hour. In my head I'm thinking, wait huh? This is a job? I'm actually getting paid for this? Haha. After much back and forth, she said she'd pitch me to start at $18 an hour also telling me that that's just starting rate. Shifts range from 4-10 hours a day and I'd be able to make my own schedule each week. My last job was my first job, at Panera bread, where I was proudly making $11 an hour (HA). I told myself that my next job needs to contribute to my career and I'm glad that I pushed that mindset throughout my year of freelancing.
Overall, I feel like I'm at the early stages of something fucking crazy and I am super prepared to allow life to take its time and run its course. Ladies and gentlemen, if you put yourself out there and make a name for yourself whether you believe this name or not, great things will happen. Be persistent, be communicative, & teach yourself to always outdo the last thing you've done. You'll always get better and more diverse in what you can handle.
Oh and UPDATE! Sponge and I are doing well. We're calmly chilling in the honeymoon phase and I'm super here for it and him as well. <3
WHAT THE MECURY RETROGRADE TAUGHT ME
Any Mercury Retrograde cycle is THE time to re-think, re-do, re-define, re-organize, re-assess, re-orient, and/or re-plan without taking dramatic action on the “new plan” until after Mercury Retrograde ends.
It's literally feels so good finally coming out of a "depression"/ deep sadness. When shit hits the fence I typically fill up my planner with activities and people to keep myself busy until I'm no longer sad. In reality though, what is happening is, my sad thoughts and/or situation is only pushed to my subconscious to a point where I genuinely convince myself that I'm good. However, if the memory resurfaces or is triggered by anything similar, I'd blow up and realize no, this shit still makes me upset, and I still am effected. This month I decided to dwell in my sadness versus the usual "do everything it takes to not be sad" method. Decided to tell myself Annie, you're sad. And it's okay. Take this time to be sad and understand how you feel and how to take steps to figuring everything out.
And I'm glad I did. I got through it. All 3 weeks.
Just... Wait. It can't hurt to wait it out.
The happiness I feel now feels so much more deep rooted and freeing. Very excited to see what September holds.
I had originally written out a whole piece on the month of August, but for some reason it disappeared. Genuinely concerned but fuck it. This month was all over the place. But one thing that remained consistent was my reliance on others and them failing me causing everything for ME to fuck up.
I got my camera stolen at the very beginning of August at the 070 show (I left it with a member of the group while I went to eat, when I got back she then realized she left it at the bar and by then a crowd had generally formed and... well, we know how that went), I haven't been on good terms with my family, well my sisters primarily, my very well planned pool party for the masses had to get cancelled due to pure bullshit with the original venue guy (deeply stressed out for 3 days looking for a new venue in time but finally when I booked one, they accidentally double booked me), I wasn't able to go on my very well needed vacation because a 2 companies I sent an invoices for didn't send me my checks in the agreed time. (I'm actually convinced that both companies forgot to send it out until I voiced up and said something), I've dealt with people coming at me sideways based off misunderstanding and their personal issues, and a video I was directing had to be postponed to godknowswhen (my camera guy extended his work trip//flopped day before pretty much).
It was just a whole lot. And I think what made me even SADDER was the fact that nothing was MY fault.
< Kodie Shane & The Sailing Team Party
And it's really funny as I look at these photos.
Instagram would have never known about this if I wasn't verbal.
The face paced life we live doesn't leave room to be sad or show emotion outside of smiles. All people wanna know is who you are and what you do. No one doesn't think to ask, -but how are you? I wonder how many people are going through this that and the third and yet everyone on the outside would never have a clue. Do we prefer it this way? Do we want to be more verbal to others? Do we actually come outside and deem anyone as fit to be more personal with? Why not have more genuine interactions?
Not everything has to be business/clout based/with personal intention.
It's all fronts. I understand why we put em up, but I'm gladly gonna take mine down. I wanna be the same person all around and I don't want to put myself in situations where I simply fake fuck with everyone and its all about the come up. I'm good. I much rather be myself.
In good news though, I began talking to someone this month! Connection is through the roof, communication is amazing, conversation is intellectual, chemistry is on sheesh, and everything is mutual. He makes me feel really safe and happy on a day to day basis and truly becomes a more and more important person in my life each time we speak. On top of that, we're taking our time, which is soooooooo important. (NOTE: NIGGAS AIN'T SHIT THOUGH SO WE FINNA WAIT THIS ONE OUT AND SEE. LIKE I'M FINNA GAS HIM UP, TREAT HIM WELL, TAKE HIM OUT, BE THERE FOR, AND SUPPORT HIM ALWAYS CAUSE THATS MY MOTHER FUCKING BABY BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY THIS NEW YORK AND I DON'T TRUST NO BODY. I GOT MY EYES ON HIM AND EVERYONE FUCK OUTTA HERE). I literally consider him the male version of me and he's literally been a beaming light omitting through my grey ass August. I also got a gig with Jordan on the way, got way closer with a few great people, and will be putting out straight well planned music videos in the Fall. Also, all these photos taken were really great days I wont forget.
I have a road test tomorrow and I feel so confident this time around! I had postponed my test back in June because I didn't practice enough and now I finally don't feel scared shitless at the drivers seat. Nearly two years ago my sisters and I got into a rear ended car accident which made me subconsciously push the idea of driving in the back of my mind due to PSTD. Getting behind the wheel and feeling comfortable at the wheel took time and I'm happy that I finally can look back at my fear and laugh.
I did a mass photoshoot on my iPhone by my house in effort to have a lot of content for the week on my social media pages. I would have done a post for each but I really thought to myself, why lie here? Haha. Here's everything !
I loved how it came out! I became a brand ambassador for @P.96 a few months ago and pulled a few pieces to make this happen. This is the turnout of me throwing looks together in 20 minutes time. Enjoy!
I have my new years resolution in a picture in a frame sitting on my bed top. A lot of the bullet points I've hit and still am hitting, other ones can be improved on still.
Something I want to work on is consistency. I'd like to be more consistent in communication and conversation with friends. I'd like to be more consistent with the video work I put out there. I'd like to be more consistent with the series I begin. I'd like to be more consistent in my walk with God.
Overall, there are a lot of things I'd like to work on with myself. Consistency is everything honestly. If an individual is consistent and persistent, he/she would get the most benefit out of what she/he is trying to do. I get so caught up comparing and looking at everyone else that I tend to look at myself and what I'm doing as the bare minimum // not enough, which then makes me drop what I'm doing and start doing something I see as "MORE" or more eye catching.
I also focus on the people that aren't currently watching me and the numbers that drop on my social media pages. I wonder how can I be noticed / get to a certain level in the career path I want to be in to a point that I forget about the many individuals watching my every move and looking up to me for their inspiration. Consistency is most definitely something I will push myself in these areas to keep more, so that this new behavior changes into habits.
Its really important to have these moments with yourself. Understand and love your progress, but at the same time understand your faults and the areas in yourself that can be improved on. And even after understanding what needs to be improved, think how can I make those changes? What should I be doing differently right now? How do I go about tomorrow?
I know what to do.
It just takes doing it.
Change the way you look at yourself. Change the way you look at something. Change the way you go about things. Make improvements and be consistent. It will surely pay off in time.
Wednesday and Thursday night were both spent at Webster Hall. I found out the venue was closing down through flyer promotion of these two events and I'm glad that I got to go back and be apart of its last few moments. Wednesday I attended a 2000's party hosted by friends of mine and 070 Day on Thursday.
Both were a really great time. The party brought great music and energy which is the most important factor, whether its a party of 10 or a party of 500. 070 Day was amazing as well. I hadn't heard too much of the group's music beforehand, so when Julz texted me to shoot Shake for my documentary series I jumped at the offer. The show was amazing. The members in group are equally passionate and driven to make their dreams a reality and it's really amazing to witness. I'm glad this show had a huge turnout! And what was cooler was that Tyler The Creator, Kali Uchis, A$AP Rocky, and Frank Ocean were downstairs turning up for Webster Hall as well!
PS: My camera got stolen at this concert after I had given it to one of the group members to hold. Until everything is replaced I'm going through each day, staying patient and going about it despite the lack of my equipment. Even though I lost footage from my SD, I'm not crazy stressed. This a minor setback for a major comeback.
I used a disposable camera for the concert! Photos coming soon!
Honestly this last week wasn't my best. It for sure was interesting though. A mixture of good and bad. Saturday I got into an altercation with a guy at a party who was harassing me for over 30 minutes which resulted a big blow up, a verbal argument, drunk apologies and my sister attacking me in complete misunderstanding as if I was the wrong one. Her and I didn't speak for 2 weeks after that night.
I got fired from PAPER Magazine on Thursday.
Despite how it sounds, I was really happy about it. I honestly didn't enjoy my time there. I had gone in as an intern for Video Production. It was a very relaxed environment filled with many workers who didn't care for the intern's presence unless they were working under them. Beautiful. A true magazine environment. I was given really easy work, it was a really easy internship under a great name to put in my resume. The reason I didn't enjoy it though, was because it was too easy. I always felt as if I was wasting my time. I'd come into the office, and many of the time they wouldn't have enough work to fill up the 6 hr shift time with. If I wasn't handed work extremely late in the day, I was given really easy work that would take about an hour to complete and would wait over 1-2 hours to be checked. If I didn't have my own thing going on I'd literally be twiddling my thumbs for hours.
To be continued, I'm smacked right now and I need to come back to this.
I shot a music video for Lexxy about two weeks ago and I'm excited that today is the day it gets put out. I like the idea of sharing more information // my perspective of the video of what you see, so all the videos I direct will have DIRECTORS NOTES!
I've been the girl shooting the video and the video vixen in the center. I think more women should present themselves as capable of doing both.
Anyone can have a pretty face, but my dear what are you bringing to the table?
With that said, Mood Swing Mix Four - Perks is out and jumpin. Tune in and enjoy.
Around 9 PM yesterday my old friends and I came together for a late night picnic I threw together. It always makes me really happy to be around them. We all went to high school together and separated in the college process, so it's interesting hearing about how they've been. Generally I'm more interested in the stories they have to tell but when the turn is passed to me, I always pause for a bit. My stories are always different, in terms of where I've been and/or what I've been doing. It feels good knowing that they listen despite being in different situation but the response really hits home at times like damn, who knew? If someone would have told me back in high school that I'd be doing half the shit I am doing now, I wouldn't have believed them. I'm at a point now where milestones / goals have come at such a right time in my life in cadence that I've accepted them one by one. Because of this, things that sounded unbelievable or too crazy to be true back then are now common and readily accepted. It makes me happy to literally feel this change and makes me wonder what the hell is gonna happen next. A lot can happen in a year. You truly do not know where you'll end up based on the small decisions you make today. So if you have an end goal for yourself, choose wisely, and make it happen. You'd be surprised.
I think that it's important to know/learn that not everyone is for you.
Honestly It's a little embarrassing in reflection alone. I began working on this website when I was in high school if not first year of college. I've gone months forgetting it's existence, weeks extensively working on it, changing it, changing the design again, and again, etcetera. I wanted to make sure it was professional for clients but at the same time dope as hell for my sake. I'm (finally) at a content place, so the link is dropped!
Despite the over-branding everywhere I'll go ahead and tell you again, Hey, (ha) I'm Annie.
I'm a tad all over the place.
I'm a director and cinematographer in New York with an eye for style, photography, and graphic design as well. In my perspective I'm still in process of making all of my "dreams" turn into my reality and accepting each blessing and opportunity with arms wide open. It's been a great first year so far. I've been challenged and have gained wisdom, I've met great people and cut off those who've double crossed me. It's all a learning process, no matter how long you're in the game.
With time comes progress, so I'm happy that I finally have a website that has it all. With that said,
THANKS FOR TUNING IN.