Steadily Inclined

Lately things have been slow. 

I don't mind it though. 

Kayden turned for this week, which makes me very happy because we've literally had her for four years. Allow me to explain. Through foster care we received her in October 2013 a few days after she was born, so every birthday that passes I look at her and think wow, we've had you for this long. Since her arrival my family, my friends, and my church family all made a collective effort to take care of her. Kayden was finally adopted March of 2016. She can be annoying and rambunctious BUT she has the cutest smile, a bubbly personality, and a great heart. I love her so much, and I'm so happy to have her in our family. She makes it feel whole. It's crazy that I now can't imagine a life without her here.

This week is what I would call a steady incline of a roller coaster. My home life has been a highlight in contrast to what it was 1-2 months ago. I used to get into a lot of arguments with my mom because of our differences and would suppress my emotions towards my older sister Marsha and her wrongdoings towards me because I was over always having to be the one to bring up a situation. But Jesus, that went left. After the last blowup (literally got into a physical fight with each of them), everything has been very neutral if not wayyy better. I don't support the way things had to go down but everyone let their steam out. I already knew this, but seriously STOP SUPPRESSING EMOTIONS. THIS WILL DO YOU NO GOOD.

Outside of the improved female energy, my dad had gone to the hospital for gastrointestinal bleeding. He had lost 5 pints of blood from a previous biopsy in his prostate which honestly freaked me the hell out. I get so weird seeing my parents sick. It literally hurts me. My dad is a heavy smoker and drinker so when anything happens to him I get so frightened and paranoid in my thoughts. The thought of death is something that is so inevitable and yet I can't surround myself around the idea of him or my mother passing on. Luckily, and I think God for this so much, he was able to return home and go back to work. My mom has been cheffing up different types of foods in effort to regulate the blood flow and keep us all healthier. I'm keeping him in my prayers and I try to keep him encouraged. We are waiting on a few more results from testing and I pray nothing is cancerous. And if it is, I pray we can catch that shit real quick. It's seriously such a scary thing. Him and I don't speak that often however, he's my fucking dad & I love him so much. I want my family to do more things together. So often we get caught up in our own lives and routines that we don't hang out with each other. We actually haven't truly gotten together in years and that bugs the shit out of me. I don't want death to be the reason for us to come together so I'm about to start enforcing that now.

Last week I had the opportunity to star in a music video for Camron and Don Q. I played it one of the lead characters in a all girls bad ass group. I ran up on a boy mashed his head into the wall, and kick this food in the air before we all collectively jumped him. I'm super excited to see that video come out. It was directed by my friend Rams. While over there I was connected with a guy named Donnie. After him expressing his admiration for my work, I learned that he does media content for Squidnice, and also has a relationship with Cinematic Record Label (we were actually in their building at the time lol I had no idea) and wants me to pitch a few ideas their way. If all goes well, FUCK ALAMO RECORDS. I love seeing and spending time with a couple of people who work there but the label in general made me feel as if I was annoying for asking the bare minimum and that I always had something to prove when I walked in. I hated that. Career wise it held me back simply because of how they run things there.

I also got a phone call from my friend Rony who is an amazing cinematographer and director. He told me that he and his friend finally put their money together to make the big purchase of buying a Red Scarlet camera (this camera my friends is worth $10,000 buckeroos!!!). Rony wants to start a very small production company called LOW FI and he wants to bring me on board as a director. I very calmly jumped at the offer. (Like what?! Of fucking course I'm down! Finally, the fucking team/equipment access I've been looking for!) I'm excited to meet his partner and begin shooting great things with great gear. I feel like this is also a start of something very exciting.

This week I was invited to shoot and attend a tech talk dinner. I was surrounded around many great people in their own industries. I was connected with a guy at complex, Ryan Leslie, and a stylist as well. The dinner was very intimate and we already able to have really powerful conversation as a collective that I too had contributed to. 

Lastly, I decided to finally reach back out to Hot97 and tell them I wanted a position as a videographer/editor there. This is long overdue. They have been wanting to work with me for sometime now but I had always pushed that to the back of my mind. I didn't want to just intern there for starters, thought hot97 was dying out (I hadn't heard too much news from them, but then again, I didn't try to look out for em), and idk, it just wasnt something I had wanted to do.

I had a whole talk with myself on my next steps and decided that Hot97, as well as the film program at Brooklyn College would be my next steps. I shot Summer Jam and remembered how awesome the team was and reminded myself that it would be a great opportunity to gain experience, to learn how to use and handle equipment, as well as make fucking connections!

Rebecca one of the heads of the media department asked me how much I'd want to make an hour. In my head I'm thinking, wait huh? This is a job? I'm actually getting paid for this? Haha. After much back and forth, she said she'd pitch me to start at $18 an hour also telling me that that's just starting rate. Shifts range from 4-10 hours a day and I'd be able to make my own schedule each week. My last job was my first job, at Panera bread, where I was proudly making $11 an hour (HA). I told myself that my next job needs to contribute to my career and I'm glad that I pushed that mindset throughout my year of freelancing.

Overall, I feel like I'm at the early stages of something fucking crazy and I am super prepared to allow life to take its time and run its course. Ladies and gentlemen, if you put yourself out there and make a name for yourself whether you believe this name or not, great things will happen. Be persistent, be communicative, & teach yourself to always outdo the last thing you've done. You'll always get better and more diverse in what you can handle. 

Oh and UPDATE! Sponge and I are doing well. We're calmly chilling in the honeymoon phase and I'm super here for it and him as well. <3