I had originally written out a whole piece on the month of August, but for some reason it disappeared. Genuinely concerned but fuck it. This month was all over the place. But one thing that remained consistent was my reliance on others and them failing me causing everything for ME to fuck up.
I got my camera stolen at the very beginning of August at the 070 show (I left it with a member of the group while I went to eat, when I got back she then realized she left it at the bar and by then a crowd had generally formed and... well, we know how that went), I haven't been on good terms with my family, well my sisters primarily, my very well planned pool party for the masses had to get cancelled due to pure bullshit with the original venue guy (deeply stressed out for 3 days looking for a new venue in time but finally when I booked one, they accidentally double booked me), I wasn't able to go on my very well needed vacation because a 2 companies I sent an invoices for didn't send me my checks in the agreed time. (I'm actually convinced that both companies forgot to send it out until I voiced up and said something), I've dealt with people coming at me sideways based off misunderstanding and their personal issues, and a video I was directing had to be postponed to godknowswhen (my camera guy extended his work trip//flopped day before pretty much).
It was just a whole lot. And I think what made me even SADDER was the fact that nothing was MY fault.
< Kodie Shane & The Sailing Team Party
And it's really funny as I look at these photos.
Instagram would have never known about this if I wasn't verbal.
The face paced life we live doesn't leave room to be sad or show emotion outside of smiles. All people wanna know is who you are and what you do. No one doesn't think to ask, -but how are you? I wonder how many people are going through this that and the third and yet everyone on the outside would never have a clue. Do we prefer it this way? Do we want to be more verbal to others? Do we actually come outside and deem anyone as fit to be more personal with? Why not have more genuine interactions?
Not everything has to be business/clout based/with personal intention.
It's all fronts. I understand why we put em up, but I'm gladly gonna take mine down. I wanna be the same person all around and I don't want to put myself in situations where I simply fake fuck with everyone and its all about the come up. I'm good. I much rather be myself.
In good news though, I began talking to someone this month! Connection is through the roof, communication is amazing, conversation is intellectual, chemistry is on sheesh, and everything is mutual. He makes me feel really safe and happy on a day to day basis and truly becomes a more and more important person in my life each time we speak. On top of that, we're taking our time, which is soooooooo important. (NOTE: NIGGAS AIN'T SHIT THOUGH SO WE FINNA WAIT THIS ONE OUT AND SEE. LIKE I'M FINNA GAS HIM UP, TREAT HIM WELL, TAKE HIM OUT, BE THERE FOR, AND SUPPORT HIM ALWAYS CAUSE THATS MY MOTHER FUCKING BABY BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY THIS NEW YORK AND I DON'T TRUST NO BODY. I GOT MY EYES ON HIM AND EVERYONE FUCK OUTTA HERE). I literally consider him the male version of me and he's literally been a beaming light omitting through my grey ass August. I also got a gig with Jordan on the way, got way closer with a few great people, and will be putting out straight well planned music videos in the Fall. Also, all these photos taken were really great days I wont forget.